Swish Army Knife
You don’t need to bring a lot with you to enjoy Fire Island, but you do need two things. Money of course, since the prices of drinks, smokes, even potato chips put Manhattan to shame, (and that’s saying a lot!) and an iPhone. No, the people from Apple aren’t sponsoring this post…but hey Apple, if you want to toss me a few bucks I’ll send you my PayPal, or Manhunt profile…whatever works for you (I’m a bottom for Macs).
So no, it’s not because you need to be able to make calls…though most other phones don’t get service on the island. In some ways that’s a pro; you get to completely unplug and just let yourself get swept up in the environment. However, there are times when you’ll absolutely need to reach out and touch someone. Like if you want to txt that guy you just met at Sip n Twirl to find out where his hot tub is, then you’ll need to get some service, before getting, well, some service.
Also, when you’re out and about in a bathing suit, how much can you really carry? Sure, stuff it into your bathing suit, but a camera isn’t the bulge we’re looking for down there. Instead, your iPhone is the perfect way to capture some of the natural beauty, gym-pressed beauties, and of course the not so pretty moments.
These pictures, for example, are from Shequida’s amazing show at the Ice Palace in Cherry Grove. (BTW, sorry Shequida, you got totally upstaged by Busted, the most entertaining drag queen this year…I mean, a white girl in an Erykah Badu costume performing a spiritual song and actually going out and exorcising the crowd? You can’t beat it).
And if you get asked onto a speedboat by some rich daddy and his Russian boytoy whore, you have to be able to capture the amazing sunsets. I don’t know how my phone didn’t fly into the ocean during this one.
And like I said, the Shequida show was in the Grove (Cherry Grove, land of lesbians and more “colorful” gays), which is a hop, skip, and Meat-rack jump away from the Pines. The Meat-rack, well, it’s hard to begin describing the Meat-rack. It’s a gorgeous state park that separates the Pines and the Grove, with forests, dunes, deers, amazing views, and so much public fucking you almost feel weird if you don’t have your cock out. In the middle of the night and at the end of a few cocktails, the iPhone becomes a necessity. There’s a flashlight app but all you really need to do is keep activating the wallpaper screen and you’ll be able to see just enough to make it across. People used to carry tiny flashlights but now they let their screens show the way. Like fireflies you can see iPhones flashing on and off, some heading towards each other to meet up and some running away for cover.
Then there are the hilarious apps to use and abuse while out and about. Like Grindr, which is fun more for the uselessness of it than anything else. It’s an app that tells you how far away a gay guy is and usually shows a picture and what they’re into. At the Ice Palace, the closest gay guy was my housemate who was standing next to me and it said he was 80 ft away. So basically it just called us fat and said there were no other gay guys in the bar. And there’s Bumpit, where you can just bump phones to get that hottie’s number before he leaves to turn up the heat in the hot tub.
Sure, you don’t NEED an iPhone on Fire Island, but if you want to have more fun, and an easier time remembering it all, I’d say don’t leave home without it.
