Haste Makes Waste
Halfway through the summer I’ve realized you actually need three things on the island…money, an iPhone, and stamina. The Pines is a paradise of fun and games. But if you aren’t a kid anymore, these games start to take it out of you. There’s so much to do and see, and well, “do”, and see being “done”, that staying a week or even a few days is like the ultimate physical challenge. It isn’t quite like running a sprint, and it isn’t like running a marathon either. Just for giggles I’d like to call it a biathlon, but that’s only two events, and well, there really aren’t any bi guys (I mean really). No, every visit on Fire Island is like a freakin decathlon and if you don’t pace yourself you’ll being dragging your tired ass across the finish line and onto the ferry home. Luckily there are lots of ways to recharge on the island and eventually you learn which events to enter.
Thursday is generally the opening ceremony, and like the Olympics, nothing really counts so you don’t need to go all out on this night. I watched one evening as friends arriving from the city unwound with cocktails at the house, hit low tea to check out the scene, had a boozy dinner, relaxed in the hot tub and then made it out for one last round at Sip n Twirl, though one swears he doesn’t remember going there. He also doesn’t remember using pick up lines that invariably included the words pee, rape, and “come oonnnnnnnn.” Now, since it’s Fire Island, there are worse lines, but this friend’s poor form knocked him out of commission for Friday when the island gets into full swing.
The action peaks on Saturday, where you can always find house parties in the middle of the day, followed by low tea, middle tea, and high tea…or as I call it the triple pump, er, I mean triple jump. Then there’s dinner to be followed by dancing, at the Pavilion in the Pines, or Cherry’s in the Grove for the more ambitious gays. But at this point in the weekend you have no choice but to start making choices. Some people blow their party load early in the day and that’s all right…the smarter Pines partier will know to take it easy later on.
Oh, and speaking of easy loads, at this party we ran into a friend leaving with a new friend to go find a bathroom. He came back 15 minutes later with his new friend’s “easy load” on his lips and shoulder. There’s really no way to comment on this, other than maybe when you think you’ve seen all there is to see in the Pines, your friend comes back to the party covered in spooge.
Like I was saying, after all the partying that can be done during the day some may still force themselves out for the night but after two or three days of that, try to remember you’re visiting one of the most beautiful beaches in the northeast and some days the party can go on without you. Another friend kindly suggested to start doing lines to stay up, and while that advice may work for some, I’d say just pace yourself before you waste yourself.
