Boredshorts, Speedon’ts, and Other Lessons Learned from a Summer on Fire
Shares on Fire Island stay active through September and early October, but the unofficial end to summer is Labor Day weekend…although it’s tough to tell if this rain-soaked summer ever “officially” started. However, despite the drizzly days, nothing was able to snuff out the fun of my summer on Fire.
It was my first share, having only been a weekend guest at hotels or worse yet, a daytripper. The daytripper is easily spotted by the backpack they tote with them everywhere they go and the intense look in their eye straddling desperate for a place to stay and desperate to get laid. Between subway, Long Island Rail, taxi, and Ferry, it can be a three hour trip each way so the daytripper often tries to become an overnighter, tempting the adage “beggars can’t be choosers.” I heard about stories of sleeping on people’s rooftops, on the beach, on the dock, or just giving up and forgoing sleep for the night (as if that doesn’t happen to some of us anyway). As a young doe-eyed daytripper I never understood why people who had shares didn’t just fling open their doors for the rest of us. But now that I was on the other side, I get it…the share isn’t just a house, it’s a home you make with your fellow housemo’s.
The BackPack at a Party - Daytripper!
And don’t get me started on being a weekender and the underwhelming amenities of the local hotels. (I’m sorry, for $300 bucks I want more than cinder blocks and shared bathrooms – yeah I’m talking to you Hotel Ciel! And I did not order crabs with my bed Belvedere Hotel!). Ahem, anyway, shares are great ways to guarantee extended stays on the island, as you generally have the entire week – so if it’s a quarter share you get five weeks and a half share gets your ten. The thing to note about shares is the emphasis on the word SHARE. I did not expect this, but many many houses prefer to set up very communal schedules, where everyone cooks together and takes care of the house together. Don’t worry, most houses hire maids once a week, I mean, we aren’t animals! But especially coming from a one-bedroom apartment and a city where three literally is a crowd, living and sharing with ten people takes some getting used to.
Communal living can be great though. I know I know, I was cynical too but it’s kind of incredible to have an instant extended family (just add water…ok vodka). And the houses can be huge, so that family can be 15 or 20 guys strong. Never in my tiny Brooklyn apartment could I entertain that many guys at once…try as I may. But all families, extended or not, can be a little tiring after a while. Though the food you cook as a group is generally the best you’ll find on the island, it can get a little rocky waiting for a house of ten guys plus guests to converge on dinner from the teas, the meatrack, and lord knows who’s hottub. That’s where the Prosecco comes in, which is apparently this year’s Rosé, in case you’re keeping score. It held me over waiting for dinner more than once. But if the drink trends keep heading in this direction next year’s beverage du jour will be lighter fluid. Oh wait, they already have that, it’s called Pine’s Punch (drink at your own risk – I almost fell off a boat after one pungent punch!)
11PM dinner almost served
And speaking of trends, I’m calling you guys out. Since the Pines is all about what you’re wearing and (hopefully) not wearing, I couldn’t help but notice one trend that better be dead by next year - Board shorts. Talk about dead trend walking. Who decided that we were going to have tanlines starting around the knees? Who decided we were going to be demure this summer? Not this gay. While the beach scene may have been typified in the past by what can only be deemed speedon’ts (speedos where they shouldn’t be), this year it was all about the board shorts. Even one of the two circuit parties held on the island was themed “Endless Summer” which sadly meant a night of looking at all the wrong prints covering all the right bodies.
I miss these...
...but not these
What surprised me the most though and the biggest lesson learned was the mood that overtakes the island the last few weeks of summer. Granted, those weeks are just as fun and full of debauchery, and still way too many trannies up in my business, but there’s a hint of sadness. It’s the end of summer camp and time to go back to reality with the chill of autumn already hitting the city. Every last supper is called The Last Supper, and that’s when I realized this was more than just a vacation for a lot of people who hit the Pines. It’s not a place they visit, it’s a place they live. We’re already talking about next year’s house, and during the cold months of winter I’ll tide myself over by watching this video one or two (hundred) times. If you haven’t seen this video yet, stop what you’re doing right now and watch it! I’m mortified to write this, but a Miley Cyrus song, with GENIUS Fire Island footage, pretty much sums up my summer on fire.
